Memoirs of the Heartless
by Oldest Soul
Summary: Countless Titan kills to his name . . . A household name by the age of eighteen . . . Known for a callousness to rival that of the monsters themselves. There was only one thing Levi Ackerman didn't expect to catch him full in the face. And that was falling in love. LevixPetra
1. New Recruits

**please keep in mind that I have not read the manga, only seen the anime, so the events of this story may not always concur with the canon from the manga**

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Chapter 1: New Recruits

"Name?"

The man's face reminded Levi of an ancient cow that had eaten too much grass, with droopy eyes and a mole the size of a mountain on his nose. After a moment, the sparse moustache twitched and the caterpillar eyebrows came together.

"Please answer the question, young man. What is your name?"

"Levi Ackerman." Levi answered after a small pause. The cow man bent over his paper to scribble something.

"Date of bi—"

"You spelled it wrong."

One of the caterpillars lifted in contempt. "I'm sorry?"

"My name." Levi answered, "It's l-e-v-_i_. Not 'y'."

There was a brief staring war in which Levi emerged the victor, the cow man rewriting Levi's name in defeat.

"A-_hem._" He went on, "Date of birth."

"December twenty-fifth. 829." Levi replied nonchalantly, already expecting the response.

"You said 829?"

"Yes."

"Did you fail twice or something?" the cow man asked with an air of surprise.

"No." he offered no explanation.

Skeptical, the cow man ripped off the paper at the dotted line, holding it out to Levi. "Down the hall, second room on the left. If you pass the physical exam, you're in. _Next!_"

…

Levi was acutely aware of the fact that his standard issue pants were too long, sitting uncomfortably loose around his ankles. His boots were made for a woman's legs – they didn't carry men's boots in his size. And his cadet jacket was a little broad in the shoulders.

He was one of the last to arrive on the training field, falling into the second to last row. The redhead to his left gave him a funny look, which he returned coldly.

"Sorry for staring," the girl finally gave in, ponytail bobbing as she turned her head, "But you look a little old to be in a trainee squad, dontcha?"

"I am." Levi answered curtly, always sure to choose the shortest answer he possibly could.

"So. . .did you like, fail twice then?" she asked curiously, undeterred by his lack of friendliness.

"Do I look like the kind of person who would fail twice?" he cut his eyes at her, only to see her suppressing a giggle.

"Well with that expression I'd say yeah, you kinda do."

"Walked right into that one, buddy." The boy behind Levi added with a grin.

"_ATEEEEEEN-TION!"_ a gravelly voice rang out over the seven rows of recruits, who obediently snapped into a salute.

"Drill instructor." The boy muttered glumly, "He taught my brother. Supposed to be a real dragon."

The drill instructor was a man of intimidating stature, at least six foot four and built like an ox. His voice was like rocks grating together as he addressed the trainees.

"You have chosen to serve humanity by going against the odds, by fighting the forces that condemn us, by challenging our very nature as humans. And for that, I commend you.

"There are one hundred fifty eight of you here today. By the time three years have passed and you are eligible for military enrollment, I estimate there will be less than half of you left. Most of the ones who don't make it will drop out. Some will be dismissed . . . a few of you may die. The fact is, if you are incompetent, you are not fit to become a soldier. Simple as that."

Several of the recruits shifted uncomfortably at his words, including the boy behind Levi. The red-haired girl did not.

"Cadet training consists of three major parts: classroom studies, physical training, and field training. The classroom studies are exactly what they sound like. Three hours of every day will be spent in the classroom. . ."

"So." The girl to the left had grown bored already, relaxing her salute. "What's your story then? Did you just enroll late or what?"

"Something like that. . ." Levi allowed, not really willing to go into the details. It hurt his pride a little to admit he'd been captured and dragged into cadet training by the Scout Regiment, one Erwin Smith in particular. It didn't help that they'd put him in the beginning class, which was two years below him in age.

"You're not much of a talker, are ya?" the girl inquired, and Levi felt his nerves beginning to fray.

"You are."

"Well I –"

"_YOU TWO LOVEBIRDS IN THE BACK! YES YOU, SHORTY, AND YOU, CARROT-TOP!"_

The drill instructor elbowed his way to their row, leaving more than a few shrimpy cadets scrambling out of his way.

Up close, six foot four was somewhat more imposing than five rows away.

The redhead got it first.

"Cadet! What – is – your – name?!" the force of his shouting caused flyaway strands hair to be visibly blown back as he bellowed into her face.

"Sir!" her arms were saluting once again, replying with steadfast determination, "Petra Ral! Sir!"

"Well, Cadet Ral." The instructor hissed, baring his teeth in an almost feral manner, "If you want to become a soldier, I suggest you refrain from chatting with mister short stuff over here." He gestured towards Levi without taking his eyes off Petra. "Unless of course, you'd prefer to work in the fields as our first dismissal."

"Sir! I would not! Sir!"

"Then learn to keep your mouth shut, Ral."

"Sir!"

There was a rush of air that ruffled Levi's bangs as the instructor bent down to look him in the eye. Levi resisted the urge to lean back as Petra had, standing his ground instead.

"Cadet!" his breath stank of onions, "What-is-your-name?!"

"Levi Ackerman."

"Let's try that again." The instructor said quietly, dangerously. "Cadet, what is your name?"

"Levi Ackerman." A long pause. Then, ". . .sir."

"And why did you join the military, Mister Ackerman?"

Levi clenched and unclenched his jaw before answering. "Because I had to . . .sir."

The instructor gave him a long look. "Don't tell me you're the one Erwin sent down here. I expected a prodigy. Instead I get an arrogant toad in women's boots?"

"Do I look like a toad to you, sir?" Levi asked tightly, groaning mentally as soon as he'd said it.

"Actually," Onion-breath smirked, "You kinda do." He straightened, apparently finished belittling Levi. "Alright hup to, Cadet. That's five laps for being an asshole and five because I don't like you. . . _NOW!_"

Levi hupped to, an angry voice shouting behind him "_QUIT GIGGLING, RAL! YOU ARE NOT FIVE YEARS OLD!"_

Followed by a hasty "No sir!" and the thump of a salute.

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**thank you for reading, please review!**


	2. Thursday

**wow, I got 6 reviews on the first chapter! I feel accomplished ^w^**

**this is sort of part two of the prologue I guess.**

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Chapter 2: Thursday

By the second month of training Levi had earned himself a new nickname. And it was 'That bastard Ackerman'.

Needless to say, this did not bother him in the slightest.

The source of this nickname could be attributed to the fact that with apparent ease, Levi was already far outstripping his teammates in terms of skill. He was a natural at ODM, performed flawlessly in the field (taking down Titan mannequins on his own), and although he was a slacker in the classroom and never thought twice about tossing his homework out the window, he was always able to ace the tests.

The jealousy spread like a disease.

Levi himself did nothing to improve upon this. He was known for isolating himself and speaking only when spoken to, even then in the shortest way possible, which was rather detrimental to any friendship attempts by classmates wanting to learn the secrets of his success.

Perhaps the only person who seemed totally unaffected by the plague of envy going around was Petra Ral, although this was probably because Petra was the only person who could even come _close_ to Levi's skill level. Unlike Levi, she was also a chatty and outgoing girl. This made her very popular among fellow Cadets and instructors alike.

Nor was she afraid of Levi, as so many of their classmates were.

Later in his life, Levi would remember the day Petra sat down across from him as a Thursday, though why this thought stuck in his mind he would never realize until much further into his career.

This particular Thursday found Levi sitting alone and isolated as usual, which was the way he preferred it. He picked through his army food with wooden chopsticks he would not put in his mouth for fear of getting splinters, noting not for the first time that the food in promotional posters in the mess hall were considerably lacking in a certain cardboard quality found in all army food.

The sound of nearing footsteps and a flash of ginger ponytail brought him from his musing as Petra thumped down opposite him, making the table shake with the force of her body, despite her small size. (She was one of the only people in their year who was shorter than Levi, which he liked because it meant he had someone to literally look down on with his signature cold stare, which was crucial for its full effect).

"You did good in the hand-to-hand combat session today." Petra remarked cheerfully, digging into her mush with vigor. The fact that she was seemingly unperturbed by its utter disgustingness irked Levi. Then again, nearly everything irked Levi.

She pressed on when met with no reply. "You know there's a rumor going around that you can fight like that because you were once in a gang." Petra paused to stuff another bite of chicken into her mouth, then continued. "Why do we even have to learn hand-to-hand anyway? It's not like we're gonna be fighting one-on-one with a Titan, no swords or anything."

Levi scratched his thumbnail on the edge of the wooden table, peeling off little slivers of wood. One lodged under his nail and he hissed quietly in pain while the girl across from him went on obliviously.

"—And then he told me I wasn't allowed to hold just _one_ sword, I have to hold them both at the same time, which is totally stupid because—"

"It's for balance." Levi cut in. He may have been standoffish and uninterested, but he couldn't resist showing off from time to time.

"—Sorry?" Petra blinked, apparently having forgotten that she was talking to anyone.

"You have to hold two swords," Levi explained slowly, "because you use one to slash with, and the other is for balancing and controlling your momentum on the ODM gear. If you only use one your weight distribution will be off-center and eventually you'll fall upside down."

Which was the most he'd said to anyone in a while. And which, he decided, was probably enough human interaction for one day. So with that Levi sighed heavily through his nose for effect, got to his feet, and took his army food to another empty table, leaving a bewildered Petra behind him.

…

With the average life expectancy of a soldier at age 32, Doc Pixus was an old soldier by anyone's standards. He had been old and he was determined to stay old for a good while yet.

The symbol of the Garrison shone on his back, a proud beacon for humanity to follow. Although at the moment, the life form count in this small white room stood thusly; Soldiers: 4, Titans: 0, Little Cadet Squirts: 0, Other Humans: 0

Make that Little Cadet Squirts: 1. Someone was hiding behind the door, eavesdropping. Doc decided to let it go unmentioned; Abe was smart enough to tell when one of his charges was snooping around.

"So what's this all about, Abe?" A lazy hand strayed across the table aimlessly. "It's only been six months since this class started training. Too soon to think about early graduates."

"Cutting right to the chase, Nile, as usual." Abe snorted gruffly. Nile Dok, the recently promoted head of the Military Police, (a shrewd man who was a good soldier but had an abrasive personality) waited silently for an answer.

"Small talk is pointless." The fourth man cut in. He had not taken off his green traveler's cloak, signature of the Survey Corps. He was Keith Shadis, head of the Scout Regiment. And like most Scouts, he was always in a hurry.

"On the contrary," Abe acknowledged him with a nod, "We _are_ here about early graduates. Two, actually." He pulled from the inside of his jacket two folders, which fell onto the table with an audible _slap_. Doc could not read the names without his spectacles, but reached for the first one anyway, Keith taking the second. After fishing his reading glasses from the depths of his breast pocket, he placed them carefully on his nose and opened the folder.

A profile page was the first thing he saw, the picture of a scrawny young man glowering darkly at him from the piece of paper. Doc scanned over his information – the scores in all categories were the highest he'd ever seen from a Cadet, though his marks for teamwork left something to be desired. But there was something odd.

"According to his files, he was born in 829. That makes him fifteen." Doc raised an eyebrow at Abe, a silent suggestion that he should get himself a new scribe – and one that could record dates accurately.

"I didn't know it was possible to fail twice." Nile remarked with a hint of uncharacteristic indigence, "You're getting soft, Abraham."

"He didn't fail twice." Keith broke in, then shifted his gaze to Doc. "Levi Ackerman, right?"

"The very one." Doc replied, passing the boy's folder off to Nile. "What do you know about him?"

"He's not up for auction." Keith grunted, "The Survey Corps has had dibs on him from the start."

"If I didn't know better," Nile looked up from the folder, "I'd ask you what the hell you think you're talking about."

"Then it's a good thing you do know better." Keith answered edgily, tension blooming. The two men stared at each other for a moment, a silent tug-of-war taking place before Doc broke in.

"It's up to the boy to decide anyway." He motioned to Nile, "I haven't got to see the other one yet."

Nile gave up the second folder, which read _Ral, Petra_ on the top. Inside was a picture of a grinning freckled girl. Reading over her scores he saw that she was skilled, but almost nothing compared to her jaded classmate.

"I don't think this one has reached her full potential yet." Doc concluded, discarding the folder back onto the table, "If she's to be an early graduate, she will have to wait until later."

Nile nodded, "I agree."

"She is too young." Keith added gravely, "I would hate to see such good skill wasted in death before it has even peaked."

"That's not what you seem to think about the boy." A touch of contempt colored Nile's voice.

"Rather like you, Nile," the Scout's mouth twitched into a wry smile, "Ackerman is an old man trapped in a young man's body."

"Now might be a good time, Cadet." Abe said, seemingly out of the blue. The Cadet who had been eavesdropping slunk through the doorway. The wary eyes, slim frame, and dark hair belied his identity.

"Speak of the devil." Doc said cheerfully, nodding hello to the boy. He was met with an undecipherable glance. Levi Ackerman had seen his share of trouble; that much was clear.

"I'd send you on laps for poking your nose in where you don't belong, kid." Abe growled in what had become infamously known as the Drill Instructor Voice, "But I guess you'll be leaving us soon so I won't."

When Levi was silent, Abe prompted him. "_Thank you_, sir."

"No need to thank me, sir." Levi allowed without a trace of humor, his first words since entering the room. Abe scowled.

"Keep it up and you really will be running laps, Ackerman. I'm sure you know every piece of gravel on that track by now, dontcha?

It would also seem that Levi Ackerman had _been_ his share of trouble, too. Doc glanced over at his fellow commanders. Keith was looking like this was about what he expected. Nile's expression was harder to read, but clearly it was not love at first sight. Then again, the MP was not necessarily fond of discipline cases or smart-aleck rookies.

"So you want me to choose here and now where I'm going, do you?" Levi asked, looking from one commander to another.

"You don't have to choose now." Nile spoke up, "We'll give you a few days to think about it."

He made a move to stand and take his leave, but was interrupted.

"I'm going with the Scouts." The boy gave an almost imperceptible shrug, as if he didn't care in the slightest what happened to him. And then very quietly, almost a whisper, "I owe it."

And thus was the beginning of Levi's career as a Scout.

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**hope you enjoyed, please review!**


	3. The Outsiders

Chapter 3: The Outsiders

Levi was placed at the very bottom of the dung heap. He answered to a commanding officer who didn't pay him half of any mind at all. He showered in the same nasty cubicle provided to every common soldier. He was fifteen years old and did not need to borrow a razor from anyone, and he was all of five feet two inches. He had not graduated to men's boots.

Levi was not a piece in the game. Not yet.

He discovered, to his dismay, that being in the Survey Corps meant doing a whole lot of nothing. He spent most of his time on the training field, stabbing Titan mannequins at the nape of the neck and doing teamwork exercises. He was getting better at working with others.

In November of 845, nearly a month after he'd been enlisted, Levi was called for duty.

Cartography. That was the mission.

"You will travel in teams of two, and we will be using a formation recently developed by Captain Erwin Smith." Commander Shadis gestured to the tall blond figure beside him. Here was the very man himself, whom Levi had been rid of for seven months. Well, he supposed, all good things must come to an end.

One hundred fifty soldiers stood before Shadis and Smith, chosen for this formation's guinea pigs.

Levi had been positioned near the front of the formation, second row in. They gave him his flare belt and two horses – one spare, and sent him off to his partner, who was not much older than Levi by the looks of him. Which was not reassuring.

Form up at the gate, they said.

Seldom had Levi ever felt fear in his short life. He felt it now gripping his heart, clawing at his throat, lying like a lump of lead in his stomach, weighing him down. Sweat laced his palms and the reins of his horse he held tight in his fist, knuckles white.

But his face. His face remained stony and frowning, as ever. If there was one thing that reassured him it was that his face remained calm, even if his body did not.

Rows of men and women and horses ahead of him. Nervous fidgeting and shifting hooves and apprehensive silence bearing down on him from every single side.

And then a shout rising up from the front row. "Open the gate!"

With a huge amount of grating and creaking, the wall parted slowly. It seemed to be looking down at the soldiers forlornly as if warning them, _don't do this. Stay inside. I will protect you._

Humans and equestrians streamed through the opening, immediately fanning out into their respective positions. Levi urged his horse forward, moving with the crowd.

The first thing he noticed about the outside world; it was very empty. Nothing but flat grass and sky and clouds and a dark fuzz on the horizon that the map said was a forest.

It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. It was also, he thought grimly, probably the _last_ thing he would ever see.

"Don't stand there!" someone growled from behind Levi; a young woman who might have been pretty if not for the huge scar marring her face, "Get moving!"

"We're that way." The tall, freckled boy motioned for Levi to follow. And although fear had been drawn with permanent marker all over his face, his voice was strong and cheerful. He was the type that talked too much when he was nervous, which was just fine with Levi, who had already clammed up.

"I'm Boris Fuller. Uh…you're that prodigy kid, right? The one who graduated early?"

"Yes." Levi focused on the mane of his horse as the formation began to take shape. Looking up, Levi could see two dark specks to his right that were the next pair, and two to the rear left. Slowly, they disappeared from sight, spreading further out.

"—And I have three little sisters," Boris was chattering, "I. . .I used to have an older brother. Mom didn't want me to be a Scout after he. . . well, he was a Scout too. But he didn't come back." Boris looked away for a moment. Then, "What about you? Got any family?"

"None." Levi replied shortly, which was mostly true. Thankfully, Boris didn't question after a sidelong look.

"You don't talk much, do ya?"

Which was all too close to something he'd heard before.

"No point. Too easy to fuck yourself up." He explained, "And besides, my foot fits too easily into my mouth without me talking." He glowered at the feminine shape of his footwear

"Wow. Two entire sentences, coming from you." Boris remarked, feigning astonishment.

"You should feel honored." Levi replied wryly.

"And a sense of humor, too? You're an accomplished young man, Levi."

The threat of death does strange things to people. In Levi's case, it made him his first friend.

It figured that they were talking about women when the first flare went up.

"See?" Boris flung out his hand at the rising column of red smoke to their right, "Even _talking _about them is bad luck!"

Levi said nothing but "I've got the flare," already loading his gun with one of the red cartridges. He raised his arm into the air and fired, then steered his mare to the left, away from the first signal.

Presumably, they circumvented the Titan, as none appeared. The same with the second and third warnings.

The fourth one broke through. About a minute after the flare went up, there came a figure from their left flank.

"It's a good six-meter." Levi noted, barely able to keep the apprehension from tightening his voice. Boris was uncharacteristically silent.

Levi and Boris were two of the lucky ones. Their adrenalin overpowered fear, and neither of them froze on the spot, as so many rookies were prone to do.

He had to give credit to the horse, though. She didn't rear or bolt but merely whinnied nervously and tossed her head, as did the spare.

Levi had seen pictures of Titans before in the classroom. He'd always thought they looked a little like humongous babies, and they might have been almost comical if not for the fact that they were human-devouring monsters.

He did not think this was comical in the slightest. The ground shook with the force of the thing's steps, and it moved with an unnatural speed comparable to that of a charging bull.

"Get ready." Levi murmured, drawing his swords. Boris did the same.

Levi forced himself to stay where he was and ignored the primordial urge to run as the Titan bore down on them. Boris swore quietly at the size of the thing.

Once the monster was close enough, having spied what it thought was going to be its next snack, the soldiers jumped, Levi swinging to the left and Boris to the right. The Titan seemed momentarily confused as to which of these small ants it should go for first, then decided to snatch at the bigger one – Boris.

Sticking mannequins in the neck was nothing like trying to stick a moving being in the neck. When Boris dodged, the Titan struck out at Levi's ODM cables instead, catching one in its massive fist.

A puny 130 pound soldier was nothing against a Titan's strength, and before he knew it the thing had his cloak in its grasp, so Levi did what came naturally. He screamed, and decided the mortification of such an act could wait until later.

This audible release of pent-up fear allowed him to regain his composure, and then he was slashing with his swords, cutting himself free and splattering his cloak with Titan blood. Almost immediately, the thing's hand began to regenerate.

Meanwhile, Boris had fought his way to its face and was busy picking at its eyes. His foot slipped dangerously close to its gnashing teeth, and Levi saw his chance, lodging his ODM cables in the Titan's shoulder and swinging around, slashing with all his strength at the weak spot.

Blood flew and the Titan froze, teetering for a long moment before crashing to the ground, causing a tiny earthquake. Within seconds, its body had disintegrated, leaving nothing but a skeleton in its place.

It was over so quickly, Levi realized. Somehow he had expected . . . more. (As if nearly being eaten wasn't enough already.)

"You killed a Titan." Boris acknowledged quietly. He stared at the bones, then looked at Levi. "Hey man, you _killed a Titan_!" he broke into a grin, "We're _alive_, too!"

Both of them were covered in blood and Levi's mare stepped back a pace when he tried to climb up, smelling Titan on him.

"Let's go," he said nonchalantly as the horse decided it was him after all and let him up, "We're not out of the water yet."

Although one hour passed in near silence, without event, Levi could not have been more correct. The next Titan that appeared later was nothing like the first, and the black smoke from the spotters went up _after_ the fact.

Levi fumbled with his flare gun again as the thing approached, it was at least ten times as fast as the six-meter, and travelling on all fours. Black cartridge, black cartridge. Where was the black cartridge? _There!_ He slammed the cartridge in and fired while Boris drew his swords.

"What the hell did we do to deserve an Abnormal?!"

"It won't go straight for us." Levi found that he was surprisingly calm now. All his fear and adrenalin had been spent on the first attack. Now all he had was cold clarity. "The Abnormals are supposed to always go for the center. We'll have to get in its way and _make_ it notice us." He, too, drew his swords with a delicate scraping noise, dried blood staining the steel of both.

They steered their horses directly into the path of the Abnormal, and both lodged their ODM cables into its flesh. This did not seem to bother it in the slightest, and it continued on without slowing. Levi's spare horse was crushed under its left hand as the monster barreled forward towards the center of the formation at breakneck speed.

Levi landed near the Titan's ribs and Boris on its back.

"I'll get its Achilles heel." The older boy offered, "Once it's down, you go for the neck!"

Levi nodded his assent and climbed into position on the Abnormal's back as Boris swung down its leg. In a flash, the thing realized what was going on and made a conscious move to stop him. There was no time for Levi to react, and by the time the monster had made its move, Boris was flatter than any intact human could be. And in that moment, an image seared into Levi's mind. And it would never leave.

Boris's femur poked through his pants and two ribs through his side. His face was a bloody mess, but even from atop a Titan's back, Levi could make out one blue eye reflecting the clouds.

"Boris!"

_I have three little sisters_.

After making sure of its kill, the Abnormal continued running, apparently having forgotten that there was a second man on its back, or maybe already having dismissed him as a threat. Either way, it had made a mistake.

The textbooks said that Titans felt minimal pain.

_By the time I'm done with you, you'll be screaming for mercy_.

Levi had no idea how far the Abnormal had run by now or how close they were to the center. So far they had encountered no other soldiers. Either they were spaced too far apart or the Titans had already ravaged this far, which was unlikely since there were no other monsters in sight, either.

What Levi _should_ have done was send another black smoke signal to warn other Scouts, but at this point he had all but forgotten his flare belt. He was focused on one thing and one thing only. And that was revenge.


	4. Skyfall

Chapter 4: Skyfall

If there was one thing Captain Erwin had learned in his career as a Scout, it was to be ready for anything. So when a ten-meter Abnormal came dashing at full speed towards the center of the formation, a single undersized soldier left on its back, he was prepared.

Levi's teeth chattered together and he bit his tongue more than once, such was the force of the Titan's running. It felt as though his eyeballs were being shaken from his head and the goddamn thing was trying to knock his brain against the inside of his skull.

Managing to wrap his fingers around the trigger of his ODM gear, Levi was able to swing freely, which lessened the bumping somewhat.

He could focus on the weak spot now, if he could only . . . yes! He shot his grappling hooks into the monster's bicep, at a perfect angle to slice out the nape.

And the Titan stopped, whipped around faster than it should have been able to, and snatched Levi right out of the air.

It had not forgotten about him nor dismissed him as a threat, it had only been unconcerned with him until its life was in danger.

Darkness pressed in on Levi as the Titan's fist closed around him. And then there was nothing but _pressure_. Dark, sweaty pressure from the palm of the beast on all sides. His arms were pinned to his sides; he could not swing his swords. He could not do anything. This was the end.

The ODM gear went first with the sound of a crushing metal. His remaining smoke cartridges popped, smothering him and contaminating whatever free air there was left. A sharp bit of ODM poked him through the side.

Then his shoulders, and he could _hear_ the snap as both of them dislocated. His cry of pain came out as nothing but a grunt.

His chest would be next, he knew. He'd be crushed to pulp in a Titan's hand, and he'd come out looking exactly like Boris had with his bones sticking out and his eyeballs to the sky.

On the verge of blacking out, Levi couldn't make sense of what happened next. The pressure stopped suddenly, there was bright sunlight against his eyelids. And then a jarring thump against the ground as he bounced out of the now limp hand.

The pain the jolt brought to his shoulders was enough to clear Levi's head. The rest of the Abnormal hit the ground with an almighty crash. A horse's corpse was to Levi's right, and then from his left a tall figure came into view, blond and heavy-browed. He slung Levi over his shoulder seemingly without effort at all. The pain in his shoulders was dulling now, the green of Erwin's cloak blending with the blood-soaked grass before everything went black.

…

Again, Levi was awoken by pain in his right shoulder. He nearly cried out but the noise stuck in his throat as the pain suddenly began to die.

The smell hit him first. There was that scent of old boot leather mixed with ODM grease and laundry detergent.

He was in the Cadet school. In the laundry room.

"Hey kid." A middle aged woman entered Levi's field of vision, hair pulled back and wearing a white apron that was stained with red streaks. "You awake now?"

"Yes." Levi replied shortly as she placed both her hands on his left shoulder.

"It's gonna hurt." She added helpfully, "You shoulda just stayed asleep a little while longer."

She began to put pressure on it, trying to roll his shoulder back into its socket. It felt like a white-hot knife was slicing into the joint. Levi bit his tongue hard to keep from yelling and tasted blood. Then there was a popping sound and the shoulder gave, pain fading at once and relief washing over him.

"There now." The nurse stepped back, her work finished, "They'll be sore for a while but you're a wimp if you complain." And with that, she turned her back on him and moved to the next patient.

After a moment, Levi sat up and looked around. Injured soldiers covered the floor, some sleeping, some awake, and some looking dangerously pale. Slowly, he got to his feet and made his way to the whitewashed wall, leaning against it for support. Several nurses dotted the room and more than a few young people who might have been volunteer Cadets. And there was another smell he hadn't recognized before; antiseptic.

Suddenly, the scent of sanitizer and rubbing alcohol was more than he could take. Stumbling away, Levi found himself in the hallway where the air was clearer. He reached for the first person who walked past, and when she turned he recognized her.

Only a month had passed since he'd been a Cadet alongside Petra, but so much had happed since then and it felt more like a year.

"Levi?" she was carrying a bucketful of soaked bandages, he saw.

"What's going on?" he asked hoarsely, "Why are we at the Academy?"

Petra gave him a strange look, exactly like the one she'd given him at their induction. "You haven't heard?" she asked quietly.

"Heard _what?_ I was out all the way back." Levi explained irritably, feeling that he was exposing weakness to admit that he'd blacked out.

"Wall. . ." Petra seemed to stumble over the word, then found herself again. "Wall Maria has fallen."

"Don't joke about shit like that!" Levi snapped after a moment of comprehension, angered that a twerpy little Cadet could make light of such a grim topic, "You haven't _seen_ a Titan! You don't know what they look like or what they can do! You haven't watched how they can pick someone up and –"

"Levi, I'm not kidding!" it was only when she balled the bandages in her white-knuckled fist and her voice broke that Levi began to believe her. "They came through Shiganshina." She bit her lip and water pooled in her eyes. "Wall Maria. . .everything between Wall Rose and Wall Maria has been abandoned. The refugees have been coming in nonstop, we've been working since last night. So many. . ." Petra squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, "So many are dead."

With a last glance in his direction, she continued into the laundry room while Levi sagged against the wall. His mind still refused to process it. Thousands dead, Shiganshina in ruins – he had been in Shiganshina twenty-four hours ago waiting for the gate to open.

_Wall Maria . . . is gone?_

And then Boris's face came back to him again. They had known each other for three hours, but in a world where boys with little sisters could be flattened like pancakes at any moment, three hours was a lot to speak of.

_What sort of hell do we live in?_

And then,

_The Titans _will_ die._ All_ of them will be conquered._

…

After twelve hours, the Scouts departed for Headquarters. Whoever was not fit to leave was left behind to return at a later date.

An air of solemnity hung over the entire interior. The Survey Corps travelled in somber silence, and it was broken only by the cries of civilians whose loved ones had been lost.

At one point in a small district known as Hoshira a gray-haired woman made her way down the line, a pair of twins and a blue-eyed girl trailing behind her. When she got to Levi the woman did the same as she had done to everyone else before him.

"Please," she took one of his hands in both of hers, "Have you seen my son? Boris? Boris Fuller? He's tall, black hair . . . freckles?"

It was a moment before Levi could bring himself to look at her, and then onto the identically apprehensive twins, and then into the clear blue eyes. His face said it all, he knew.

And the woman cried.

* * *

**more Petra action next chapter, I promise! hope you enjoyed, don't forget to review! **

_**for this is the end**_

_**I've drowned and dreamt this moment**_

_**so overdue I owe them**_

_**swept away i'm stolen**_

_** \- Adele, Skyfall**_


	5. Rain

**okay so I lied, no Petra here, just more setting up. next chapter, surely.**

**sorry I haven't updated in so long. . .I still love you guys don't worry.**

**enjoy. review. thank you.**

* * *

Chapter Five: Rain

_April, 847_

On the day Levi was called to the Survey Corps it was raining. He didn't mind. Levi liked the rain, and the rain liked Levi.

He pulled off his hood as he stepped inside, unclasping his cloak. Although he had wiped his boots on the doormat they still squeaked all the way down the hallway, loud in the silence.

Commander Erwin's office was on the third floor, and Levi climbed the stairs as the portraits of all previous Heads of the Survey Corps watched him stonily. Their lack of cleanliness struck a tic in the back of Levi's mind – cobwebs lined the corners of the frames and grime coated the walls behind them. Keith's portrait was last and newest – The stress of the fall of Wall Maria had forced him to leave his post to Erwin and retreat to teaching new recruits at the Cadet school.

The door to Erwin's office was ajar, so Levi knocked once to announce his presence and stepped inside. The rain pattered against the windowpane, covering the glass in streams of water and distorting any view to be seen.

Erwin looked up and nodded as he entered. "Levi."

"Commander." Levi dipped his head and took one of the two seats that Erwin motioned to, across from him.

Erwin finished signing a document and set it aside before looking across at Levi.

"You know that I trust you, Levi."

Levi nodded shortly. "Sir."

"I'd really like to promote you without visible reason – you perform well in the field but not to an extraordinary extent . . . yet." Erwin cut him a glance again. It was a compliment, and Levi took it with a slow blink. "Unfortunately, if I were to promote you without giving you a defining mission . . ." he spread his hands.

"It would look like you were playing favorites." Levi acknowledged, "I understand, sir."

"And that is why." Erwin continued, "I _am_ giving you a mission."

A faint whistling began to emit from the hallway, accompanied by footsteps that grew louder as the owner neared the door.

"A joint mission, actually." Erwin supplied as the door swung open.

A tall woman clattered into the room, unconcerned with her apparent intrusion. Her red-brown hair was tied back in a ponytail and a pair of thick glasses sat on a strong nose.

The woman bent at the waist to inspect Levi, who sat cross-legged and relaxed under her scrutiny. For a moment the only sound was the rain on the window. Then, "He's kind of a runt, isn't he?"

"Levi's seen his fair share of Titans, if that's what you mean." Erwin answered. "And you're _both_ leading the mission like it or not, Hange, so you may as well sit down and we can go over the details."

Hange responded with an almost unintelligible snort and took the seat next to Levi.

Erwin faced Levi. "Levi, Hange Zoe. She may be. . .unique. . .but she's one of our finest. I'll be looking to promote _both_ of you."

He turned to Hange. "Hange, Levi Ackerman. Yes, he's small and yes, he's young, but there are few his age who take their jobs so seriously. I expect you _not_ to boss him around like you do everyone else because – and I remind you yet again – this is a _joint mission_."

Hange sighed heavily and then nodded curtly to Levi, then back to Erwin. "Well, now that that's over we can get started."

Levi stared at Hange a moment longer before turning back to face Erwin. _This_ was the person he'd have to work with?! Well, if that's what it took to get a promotion. . .

"So what's the mission?" Levi asked, "Exploration, cartography, setting up a new outpost?"

"_Science!_" Hange slammed her palm onto Erwin's desk, grinning rather wolfishly. Several of Erwin's pencils rolled from the force of the jolt. Levi caught them before they could hit the floor.

"Science." Erwin agreed.

"Science?" Levi placed the pencils carefully back on the desk.

"We're gonna do what no-one has attempted before." Hange announced. And Levi could just _hear _her cackling madly. "We're gonna capture a Titan. That is, if you're up for it . . . Runt."

She was crazy, that much was clear. And she had a flair for drama. But she definitely knew how to manipulate Levi's pride after spending only a few minutes in the room with him.

"I'm up for it . . . and I'm not runty." He added sulkily.

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Please!" Erwin cut in, "_Try _to behave like adults."

"Where's the fun in that?" Hange whined. Erwin sent her a _look_.

"As Hange has explained, the mission is to capture a Titan and bring it securely back inside Wall Rose where we will have a testing facility set up for experimentation."

"You want to bring a Titan _inside_ the wall?" Levi raised his eyebrows at the two of them. "That's insane."

"It _is_ risky." Erwin allowed, "But Hange and her team have developed a material that is flexible yet incredibly strong and virtually unbreakable. With this, we believe that we can keep a decent sized Titan securely restrained."

"You're sure this stuff will work?" Levi asked darkly, glancing at Hange, who waved a hand dismissively.

"Of course it'll work. It can withstand ten thousand pounds of force without breaking." She said proudly, "I call it . . . Zoebond!"

" . . . Zoebond?" Levi cut his eyes at Erwin in a statement that clearly said, _What have I done to deserve a joint mission with _her_?_

"This is going to be a small operation." Erwin went on, "The two of you will be working with four other soldiers." He pulled two folders from his desk drawer, handing one to Hange and one to Levi. "A copy of each of their profiles are in here. They are the very best from the Survey Corps. So don't let them die."

Later that night, Levi listened to the rain pounding against the windows. His right hand held a steaming cup of tea, his left was brushing over the first profile inside his folder. The picture in the upper left-hand corner depicted a middle-aged woman with a hooked nose and streaks of grey in her dark hair. The next a bearded man whose height read 6'9, underneath him a very ordinary-looking, bespectacled man whom Levi had seen in passing. And then at the bottom of the folder a sheet that read Ral, Petra, with a familiar grin and laughing brown eyes.

* * *

**thanks for reading.**

**-oldsoul**


	6. The Forest

**wooooooo! a Petra appearance!**

**enjoy. review. thank you.**

Chapter Six: The Forest

"There's an outpost inside this forest," Levi jabbed his finger at the map, "The trees are so dense that no Titans have gone to the trouble of barreling through it, and with any luck it'll stay that way."

"The Titans are generally pretty abundant inside Wall Maria. Our outpost is just inside the breach, so it probably won't be long before we see a Titan." Hange continued where Levi had left off.

"What size Titan are we looking for?" Kathleen interrupted. Jaded and shrewd, Kathleen was old by a Scout's standards – the fact that she had survived well into her forties was a testament to her prowess. She was a no-nonsense type woman, and Levi got along well with her.

"Preferably a six or seven meter." Hange replied, "A three meter is a bit small for our purposes, and a ten meter is just too risky a size."

"So we sit at the outpost and wait for a Titan to come along?" Rush grinned through his beard. "It's not much of a plan. I like it."

"Once we get it inside the wall, getting it to the testing facility without destroying anything is going to be a hassle." A nasally voice presented, the owner pushing up his glasses. The owner's name was Nate, a snotty little prick who was a pain in everyone's ass but whose cunning and quick thinking made him valuable. He and Hange were cut from the same cloth, both sharing a strange fascination with Titans and both rather cocky about it.

"Not if we completely immobilize it first." Petra offered, brushing her hair behind her ear. "That's what the Zoebond is for."

"Yes but assume the Titan _did_, somehow, break free from the Zoebond." Nate suggested, "It would destroy anything within its reach."

"It won't break free." Levi replied, "So we're not gonna shit ourselves over hypothetical situations."

After rolling up the map with a _snap_, Levi rose and untied his trusty mare Wynona as Petra fished a sugar cube from her cloak. Wynona nickered and nudged Petra's hand, stealing the lump before Petra's horse could eat it.

"Sorry about that." Levi pulled Wynona away before she could steal a second sugar cube.

Petra giggled. "It's alright, I've got plenty more."

…

"So you're that kid prodigy they all kept talking about a couple years back, right?" Rush glanced down at Levi from atop his huge stallion. They had just exited Wall Rose, and were nearing the entrance to the forest.

"Yeah." Levi said. He was used to it.

"I graduated during my second year in the trainee squad." Nate piped up from behind them, obviously in want of recognition for his superiority.

"Levi graduated after six months!" Petra countered.

"You mean two years and six months." Nate corrected. "According to his record, he should have graduated at age fifteen and a half."

"Yeah he failed twice." Petra grinned. Levi turned around in his saddle to face her. And he glared.

"I've told you before, _Petra_." He said through clenched teeth. "I didn't fail twice, I enrolled late."

"Hold on!" Nate screeched, "You mean to tell me I'm being led by a man who failed cadet school _twice_?! How is that even possible?!"

Levi sighed. "Keep your voice down, please. You can never be too careful outside the wall."

"Hange!" Nate called, "Do you realize you're trusting a person who failed cadet school twice to assist you on this operation?"

Levi yanked Wynona's reins, turning her to face Nate. "Listen, pinprick. There's a reason _I_ was chosen to lead this operation and _you_ were chosen to follow my orders. I suggest you follow them, lest you become Titan food."

Levi steered Wynona back to the group, leaving a grumbling Nate to gallop up next to Hange. He muttered something inaudible to her, but Hange's reply was loud and clear.

"Commander Erwin trusts Levi to be an efficient Captain." She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. "And so do I. And if Levi or I have any reason to believe you guilty of insubordination, I will not stop him from leaving you for the Titans. "

Dejected, Nate murmured consent and fell back.

Petra trotted alongside Levi, and leaned over to whisper, "Would you _really_ feed him to the Titans?"

"Yes." Levi replied. Then, ". . . No. But only because Commander Erwin told us not to let anyone die. Otherwise . . . "

"Was that humor?" Petra asked, her brow furrowed.

"Yes."

"It's always hard to tell with you." Petra admitted, an undecipherable expression on her face.

Good. That was the way he liked it.

….

"Ah, shit." Levi hissed. They had arrived at their outpost without incident, and after leaving their horses in the stables, the small troop had their way to the abandoned house serving as the outpost building.

"What?" Kathleen started urgently, hand on her blades. "Is there a Titan?"

"No." Levi replied darkly, gesturing to the interior of the building. "Look at the state of this place. It's covered in cobwebs."

"Sheesh, don't tell me you're afraid of spiders."

"Of course not!" Levi snapped, "I just don't like dirt, that's all."

"Afraid of dirt." Hange smirked, "Even worse."

Nate pushed up his glasses, though they were already firmly on his nose. "I believe the term is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, otherwise known as OCD. Interesting that the Captain – may I call you Captain? – should have this disorder. It is not usually found among those who enjoy the dirty work of Titan-killing."

"You don't hafta make it sound like there's something wrong with me." Levi muttered, scrubbing off a layer of grime from the wall with his finger. Irked by Nate's underlying sarcasm, he wiped his dirty finger on Nate's sleeve.

"We're going to have to clean this place up before we do anything." Levi announced, "Or I won't be able to sleep tonight."

….

When Levi awoke, dawn had reached the top of the tree line and the rosy tint was slowly creeping higher. By the time he'd gone through his morning routine, the others had risen and bright sunlight was illuminating the dust particles in the air.

The end of April brought with it rain and cool mornings, and Levi shook off the water his boots had collected when he stepped into the dewy grass.

Wynona was happy to see him, though Levi had to admit it might've been the apple in his left hand she was more interested in.

"It's mine." He told her defensively, shoving the apple into his pocket, out of sight. Levi hadn't known horses could look _forlorn_, but Wynona's expression made him scratch his chin uncomfortably.

"Fine." He groaned, pulling the apple back out and halving it with his pocket-knife. Wynona ate her half in one bite, and when Levi moved his half away from Petra's horse, glaring at it as it tried to snatch it, she took that too.

"That was mine!" Levi exclaimed. His voice cracked, so it came out more like "That was mi-_ine_!"

Damn. He'd thought his voice was finished cracking for good. It was a good thing only the horses were around to hear.

"Nice one kiddo." A deep voice chuckled. Levi felt his eyebrows furrowing as Rush's imposing figure entered the stables. Rush rubbed the muzzle of his gigantic horse, grinning at Levi.

"Don't call me that." Levi glared while Wynona began chewing his hair. The top of his head was, after all, right about mouth height. "I'm not twelve."

"Ya look like it." Rush laughed, winding him up.

"I shave."

"I was shaving when I was twelve." He smirked

"Nobody shaves when they're twelve." Levi muttered, rubbing his head where Wynona had pulled his hair.

"Bet you fifty my grandma did."

And despite his best efforts, a tiny chuckle escaped Levi.

"AGAIN!" a yell interrupted, coming from the yard of the house. "And actually try this time please!"

Levi raised his eyebrows "Sounds like Hange."

Levi and Rush appeared on the front yard just in time to see Petra throw a punch at Hange and her to block it. Kathleen was the sole spectator, as Nate was on Titan-watch.

"Again!" Hange shouted, "Come on, you haven't forgotten your cadet training, have you?"

"Of course not, Captain!" Petra shouted back, only to be tackled to the ground by Hange a moment later.

"Ow! You pulled my hair."

Levi raised his eyebrows at Kathleen in want of explanation.

"Hange wanted to practice hand-to-hand combat." Kathleen shrugged as Petra brushed herself off.

Rush laughed. "Does she think we'll be battling Titans face to face?"

Kathleen turned back to the spar. "It's not entirely pointless. Don't forget, there are enemies inside the wall as well as out."

She was right, Levi realized. Since joining the Survey Corps, he'd been so focused on fighting what was outside that he'd forgotten humans could be just as monstrous as any Titan.

"Kathleen," Levi asked, "How many years have you been serving?"

"Couldn't you get that from my file? I'm sure they gave it to you when I was assigned to this mission."

Levi shrugged. "Yeah I guess so. . ."

"Well, long enough to be useful." Kathleen said, "I started when I was your age. You're sixteen?"

"Seventeen."

Kathleen nodded. On the grass, both women tumbled to the ground, wrestling with one another. Hange was stronger, easily pinning Petra beneath her. Petra swiped at Hange's face and knocked off her glasses. They clattered to Hange's side, luckily unbroken.

"TITAN!"

Levi heard, then saw Nate rushing frantically through the trees. He burst into the yard, only giving the battling Hange and Petra a fleeting glance.

"Six meter approaching from the southeast!" Nate informed them, "He's perfect for our needs."

**next chapter will be exciting I promise! **

**-oldsoul**


	7. Capture

**yay for chapter 7!**

**enjoy. review. thank you.**

* * *

Chapter Seven: Capture

Levi snapped the belt buckle of his ODM gear closed and shoved his blades into their sheaths with a _schhick_ noise.

"Is this your first mission?" Rush asked Petra, who shook her head.

"Second." She whispered. Her freckles stood out against the whiteness of her face.

"Well I guess you're pretty good." Rush assured her, "Otherwise they wouldn't have put you on this mission."

Petra nodded as though convincing herself.

"Let's go." Levi swung his right leg over Wynona's back, careful not to let his fuel tanks sit in a position where they would chafe her flanks.

Wearing a determined expression that may or may not have been genuine, Petra clambered onto her horse.

"Straighten your collar." Levi told her, "It's sticking up."

"Oh – sorry." Petra straightened her collar and the group set off at a gallop towards the southeast, Nate leading the way.

It wasn't long before Levi spotted the Titan. The old flicker of fear made a grab for his heart, but adrenalin quenched it, even as Wynona's reins grew slick with sweat from his palms.

_Stop being a wimpy-ass motherfucker, Levi._ Levi snapped at himself, glancing at Hange as her glasses flashed in the sun. _Hange's not afraid, and you can't let her be better than you_.

"Remember Nate's plan of attack!" Hange yelled over the noise of the Titan's running, "Rush, you have the Zoebond?"

"Got it!" Rush held up a coil of the material.

Hange nodded. "If we stick to the plan, we should be alright! And whatever you do, _don't kill it!_"

The Titan was almost upon them, and with every step the earth trembled, rattling Levi's teeth. He looked to his right at the stony Kathleen, and to his left at Petra, who was trying to hide the trembling of her hands. "Ready?"

Both women nodded. Levi stood up in his saddle, and waited till the Titan was within ODM range. "Now!"

Hange and Rush shot to the sides, lugging their coils of Zoebond. Kathleen and Nate went towards the feet; their job was to cut the inside knees or Achilles tendons of the beast and bring him to the ground. Levi and Petra debatably had the most dangerous job. They were to go right for the face as distractions while the others did their work.

Nate had designed the plan for speed and efficiency, and Levi told himself it would be over quickly. But he still had to swallow down his panic as he launched his cables into the thing's neck and flew straight towards its face.

_Two years you've been doing this Levi. And you're still fucking afraid every time you see a Titan. Get over yourself and do the job. Move around as much as you can. Make yourself a target._

Petra whizzed for the Titan's eyeball with a war cry, dodging his clumsy fingers. Waving his swords extravagantly, Levi swung back and forth around shoulder height. The Titan swiped for him and missed.

At that point the Titan suddenly dropped to one knee with a roar – either Kathleen or Nate had succeeded in taking out a leg. On the way down, it snatched Petra right out of the air, hand moving like lightning. With a cry, she was tossed towards the gaping black mouth.

_SHIT!_

With no time to think, Levi made a risky move, dashing from the Titan's shoulder to cross to its opposite shoulder. Midway he managed to catch Petra, but their combined weight strained the ODM cables that were meant for Levi's weight group. Together they plummeted, clinging tightly to one another in a quite undignified manner. One of Petra's fuel tanks had been crushed in the Titan's grip and petrol stained her right side – her uniform would be ruined for good, and new ones were expensive. It rubbed off on Levi's pants, but he'd no time to think about stained clothing as he saw the Titan's hand coming straight for them.

Memories of Levi's first mission rose to the surface of his mind as the fingers closed around them. A moment later, they were dropped with an accompanying howl of pain, one of Petra's blades sticking straight out of the Titan's palm.

At the same time there was a shriek and a dark-haired figure went flying through the air, having been kicked by a thrashing foot. Nate landed in the branches of a tree, which somewhat broke his fall as he tumbled to the ground and was still.

"Nate!" someone exclaimed anxiously. Levi could feel his cables unhooking from the Titan's skin. They were going to fall.

"My cables are going to give if we're both on here." He said through gritted teeth, "Petra, I'm gonna drop you, do you think you can slice the back of his knee on your way down?"

Without waiting for a reply, Levi dropped her, completely slicing off three of the Titan's fingers that followed Petra in her descent.

At its knee, there was a flash of blade and a spray of red. The Titan fell again, teetering as it was about to topple forward.

"Levi! Look out!" Hange warned. Levi leaped out of the way just as the monster crashed to the ground. Petra's horse wasn't so lucky.

"Patrick!" Petra wailed, rushing towards the spot where her horse had been. Levi yanked her back by the hood fiercely.

"Idiot!" he snarled. Petra twisted in his grip, but to no avail.

"What the hell – let me go!"

"You were heading straight for his teeth!" Levi hissed, glancing towards the monster's gnashing teeth. With a shove, he let go of Petra's hood.

"But . . . Patrick . . ." she whimpered, though she stayed where she was. ". . . Patrick . . .?

"There's one rule you must live by if you're a Scout." Levi watched Hange and Rush finish tying the knots of the Titan's bonds, and then over to the tree where Kathleen was helping Nate up from the ground. Nate's arm was bent unnaturally at the elbow, and his glasses hung from one ear, a single lens still intact. "You mustn't ever get attached to anyone or anything. Not your mission, not your horse . . . and especially not your comrades."

* * *

**Levi bites himself in the butt with that line -.-**

**oldsoul**


	8. Red Smile

**heh. heheh. hehehehahahahHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! :D**

**Enjoy. review. thank you.**

* * *

Chapter Eight: Red Smile

"The hell d'ya think you're doing, bringing a Titan inside the wall?!" one of the guard soldiers at the gate of Wall Rose put a hand on the hilt of his blade, "You're fuckin' insane!"

The other soldier, who had clearly never seen a real live Titan before, was scared speechless. His eyes flitted about nervously, taking in the scene. Levi was almost amused.

"I assure you sir," Levi replied dryly, "I completely agree."

Hange waved around a piece of paper she'd fished from within her rucksack. "We have permission from Commander Erwin to bring a Titan inside the wall. It's completely secure. It _cannot_ escape."

The guard snatched the paper from Hange and quickly read over it, taking in Erwin's signature at the bottom. He hesitated for a long moment, looking from the paper, to the Scouts, to the Titan, and back to the paper again.

"Fine." He shoved the form back at Hange, "Make it quick. I want that thing out of my sight as soon as possible. Goddam Titan." He muttered, "Inside the wall. What the hell?"

The Titan squirmed as it felt itself being moved again – they'd tied it into an enormous wheeled cart for transportation. The petrified guard distanced himself from the gate by a good few yards as the beast was pushed into the city. It seemed to enjoy leering at him gleefully.

It wasn't until they reached the Enyo Valley that the trouble started.

A length of Zoebond had been used as a gag for the Titan to keep it from roaring and attracting the attention of everyone within ten miles. During the time it had taken the group to travel from the scene of the capture to their current position, the Titan had succeeded in completely gnawing through its gag without anyone noticing.

And so Levi nearly jumped out of his skin when a deafening howl split the air, reverberating through the valley.

The frayed ends of the Zoebond quickly slipped through the knot on the Titan's back, which in turn led to the untying of its feet, and then to its hands. In fifteen seconds it was completely free, rising up to its entire six meters to tower over the puny humans.

"Hange! Get the Zoebond!" Nate yelped, drawing him blade.

Hange's arm was already being swallowed up by her bag. "I'm looking for – oh, found it!" she heaved out her leftover coil. Then, "Put your blade away! You can't do squat with a broken arm!"

"But –"

"You'll only get in the way." Levi snapped. Nate reluctantly sheathed his blade with a contemptuous glance at Levi.

Levi pointed to Kathleen. "Kathleen, get its eyes. I'll take its heels. Rush and Petra, try to retie those knots." He hooked his ODM cables in the Titan's thigh and swung around the back of its leg, unsheathing his blades. He was able to slice the inside knee but didn't cut deep enough, and the wound had sealed up in seconds.

The cut had been enough to get the Titan's attention, and it caught Levi squarely in the stomach with a well-aimed kick. He fell to the ground, gagging and winded. Levi could only watch as the Titan's foot was raised, to be lowered with a thundering crunch that would surely squish him like an ant.

"Got you!" Levi was yanked upwards roughly by the back of the collar. The foot sank into the earth where he'd just been as Nate hauled Levi onto the back of his horse with one hand, managing the reins between his teeth.

"Thanks." Levi finally caught his breath with a gasp.

"In the way, am I?" Nate rolled his eyes, "Can't do squat, hm?"

"Alright, alright." Levi glared, "You've had your glory. I said thanks didn't I?"

"Let's hear it one more time." Nate smirked, though his face was blanched with pain.

"Let's forget it ever happened." Levi sniffed. With that, he swung off the horse, putting the momentum of his swing into the cut this time. He succeeded in dropping the Titan to one knee, then rushed to cut the other before the regeneration process could finish.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH"

For a moment, everything slowed. The wail itself was enough to give anyone goosebumps, but it was the way the scream was cut short so abruptly that turned Levi's blood to ice and raised the hair on the back of his neck.

"NO!" Petra's anguished cry followed, and then a crunching sound that Levi had come to know as the cracking of bone.

In a flash, he'd made his way up to the Titan's face. A line of red was smeared from the corner of its mouth to its ear, giving the illusion of a grotesque smile.

"No. . ." Petra whimpered again, tears spilling down her face. ". . . Kathleen?

"Kathleen?" he echoed, like a dumb parrot.

Levi was only dimly aware that the Titan was in the process of being tied up, that it was almost secure again. It looked at him with that red grin, a bit of green cloak stuck between its teeth. It smiled.

It smiled.

It smiled.

It smiled.

"You fucking demon." Levi breathed. Only Petra was close enough to hear him. "_Demon_."

That crimson leer was clouding his sight, it was all he could see in front of him. If his vision suddenly failed him and everything blurred away, Levi was sure he'd still be able to see it with cold clarity.

Levi did not remember the mission. He did not remember Erwin's promise of promotion. He did not remember Hange or Petra or Nate or Rush. He only remembered Kathleen and her bloodcurdling scream, and he remembered the red smile. He'd always remember it. It would be stocked on the same shelf as the blue eyeball facing the sky and the wings of the Scout Regiment. Burned into his mind forever.

It was so easy, like the mannequins they gave you in cadet school. There was no dodging, no fancy maneuvering. Only that scrape of blade and the feeling of a clean slice. Only one meter deep and three meters across.

Oh, and a frozen red smile.

* * *

**I am so evil *smirk***

**hope you liked!**


	9. The Cravat

**I HAD to do something about the cravat XD **

**oh yeah and I forgot to mention that I changed the title. I felt like this one fits the basic idea of the story better :)**

**enjoy. review. thank you.**

* * *

Chapter Nine: The Cravat

"You son of a bitch!"

Levi's breath was cut short as Hange lifted him by the collar and shook him roughly.

"You son of a bitch!" she screamed again. Levi twisted in her grip but to no avail – she held him fast. Behind Hange, the body of the Titan was eroding away, and the Zoebond fell slack with steam curling around it.

Levi gasped for breath as Hange went on. "Who the hell do you think you are?! You think you're the only leader of this mission? You think you can jeopardize it any time you want? You think you can just destroy something we shed blood and sweat over?"

Black spots pricked at the edge of Levi's vision. Hange's rant faded to background noise. He tried in vain to pry her fingers away from his collar but she was still shaking him, and he was sure he could hear his brain rattling inside his head.

And finally, "Hange he can't breathe!" Petra cut in. She had noticed that Levi's lips were turning slightly blue and his thrashing had lessened.

"Good!" Hange snarled, though she tossed him to the ground nonetheless. "Maybe he'll think twice next time he decides to kill my experiments."

Levi sucked in a huge gulp of air and coughed as Rush and Petra helped him up.

"For the record kiddo," Rush whispered as Levi brushed himself off, still coughing, "I woulda done it if you hadn't."

"Let's move." Hange said darkly, kicking on of the dissolving ribs of the Titan, "I need to report this to Commnder Erwin ASAP."

…

Levi waited outside the door to Erwin's office, using a pocketknife to clean under his fingernails. It had taken three hours to reach the Survey Corps HQ, and Levi was itching for a shower and clean clothes, and preferably a cup of hot tea

The door creaked open and Hange stepped out. Her glasses caught the sunlight from the window, covering her eyes.

"Your turn." Her tone was ambiguous, her expression unreadable as she marched down the hall. Levi poked his head around the door to see Erwin at his desk, filling out a report. _Their _report, presumably.

"Come in, Levi." Erwin sounded tired, running his fingers through his hair. Levi went in. He stood across from Erwin, not taking the vacant chair but instead examining the Titan blood spattered on his cuff. Then he looked up to meet Erwin's eyes. They were both silent for a long moment.

"Tell me what happened." Erwin sighed.

"Didn't Hange tell you already?" Levi asked, "I could hear her yelling."

"Her report was . . . biased." Erwin rolled his eyes, "I want to hear it from you."

Levi shrugged and looked away. "I killed it. What more is there to tell?"

"Why?"

"It ate her." Levi glared, angry that Erwin had forced him to say it out loud.

"Kathleen Ragfield?"

"Yes."

There was another long silence.

"Levi, I chose you to co-lead this mission because I thought you could keep your cool in that type of situation. You've always been so calm on the battlefield, and you aren't known for flying into rages." Erwin said, twirling his pencil between his fingers.

"Just because I appear calm," Levi replied coldly, "doesn't mean I haven't flown into a rage. When a Titan eats a subordinate – a friend, I kill it. Simple as that." He realized the hypocrisy in his own words. Hadn't he been telling Petra only hours ago that a Scout must never get attached to anyone?

Erwin drew in his breath and let it out in another long sigh. "Maybe I was wrong about you Levi. Maybe you're too young for this type of mission, too rash and immature. I thought you could keep a level head, but obviously that's not the case."

"If you want me to beg forgiveness," Levi said in a wary tone, "I'm afraid you'll be disappointed."

"I know you aren't sorry. And really . . . should you be? It's not something for me to dwell on." Erwin shook his head. "All I can say is that many soldiers would have done the same in that situation – before even. The fact that nobody killed it before it . . . before your comrade died –"

"Don't make it sound like it was an accident!" Levi interjected, "It _ate_ her. Her blood was smeared on its face!"

"Sorry," Erwin nodded once, "The fact that nobody killed it before it ate her shows me that your group is capable of completing this mission. And that is why," he pressed his fingers together at the tips, "I am giving you a second chance. Same mission, same team. You'll leave tomorrow."

"I understand sir." Levi dipped his head after a moment, all business.

"Good. Dismissed."

Levi crossed the room and opened the door into the dark hallway.

"Oh, and Levi?" Erwin added from his desk.

"What?"

"Don't let me down this time. Hange really is a handful when she throws a tantrum."

Levi curled his right fist over his chest in a casual salute. "Sir."

….

Up, over, around, and down. Straighten – there.

Levi looked at himself in the mirror. A sullen, dark-eyed man scowled back. He touched the white cloth around his neck, and his reflection did the same. It made him look older. He liked it.

Levi locked the door to his room in the soldier's barracks, the number 610 glinting in the dim hallway light. He stuck the key in his pants pocket as he exited from the hallway into the much brighter sunlight, blinking a few times as his eyes adjusted.

"Happy birthday!" A cheerful voice exclaimed, owner slouched against the brick of the building.

"My birthday is in December, Hange." Levi sighed.

"Hm, that fits." Hange nodded, "A gloomy and morose person born in the dead of winter."

"Why did you think it was my birthday?" he asked, ignoring the subtle insult as they began walking towards the stables. It was the day after they'd returned from the outside – now they were going back to complete the mission.

"Nice cravat. With that thing around your neck I figured you must have just turned sixty." Hange smirked.

"Shut up." Levi said, slightly offended, "It's not for style."

"Then what's it for?"

When someone lifts me _by the neck_," he explained, "It'll come undone and I'm released before I fucking suffocate." He cut Hange a look, and she had the grace to look sheepish.

"Uh – look . . . about that . . . I shouldn't have." Hange messed with her hair

"No, you shouldn't have." Levi wasn't letting her get off that easy.

"I was just mad I guess." Hange mumbled. Obviously, humility was not her strong suit.

"You usurped my authority in front of our subordinates." Levi said frostily.

"You ruined our mission!" she shot back, "Kathleen is dead, and in response you've jeopardized the rest of our lives as well, since we have to do this whole thing again! At least have the decency to feel a little remorse."

"You want decency from someone who kills for a living?" he pointed out, "Well I'm not sorry. I wasn't going to let Kathleen go unavenged."

"Of course not." Hange allowed, "I wasn't either. Nowhere did I say that my experiments would be painless." She pushed up her glasses. "And I've access to all the fun torture tools."

"That's monstrous." Levi said flatly, though really he didn't feel there was anything wrong in torturing a Titan.

Hange laughed harshly. "You want humanity from a person who kills for a living?"

"Good point . . . I lost mine ages ago." Bitterness overtook his tone as memories surfaced.

_God, Boris, I could have saved you. I should have saved you._

"Nah." Hange shook her head with a small and rather sad smile, "You're a good kid, Levi. A little rough around the edges, but good nevertheless." She sighed, "Me . . . I'm too afraid to be anything more than a mad scientist."

And Levi wondered vaguely what that was supposed to mean.

* * *

**lovely Petra scene next chapter so keep reading!**

**-oldsoul**


	10. Vast

**short chapter this time, sorry about that. **

**but yay for Petra Progression!**

Chapter Ten: Vast

God, crickets were loud. There weren't many inside the wall. They didn't keep Levi up like they did on the Outside, making a racket like a hundred foot soldiers.

Levi avoided the real reason he knew he was awake. He didn't let it touch the forefront of his mind. When it surfaced, he squashed it down again to the very darkest depths, buried it under other thoughts.

Still, he couldn't manage to sleep. Especially not with Hange snoring like that.

"Ah, damn." He mumbled under his breath, sitting up on his makeshift cot. Four other dark shapes were scattered around the room, but there was a noticeable space where Kathleen should have been. He stared at it a moment before rising quietly and walking softly on his bare feet.

A floorboard creaked loudly under his foot as Levi crossed the threshold and he winced. Hopefully the crickets and Hange's snoring had drowned it out.

Levi stuck his head out the open window and the rest of his body soon followed, scaling the side of the old house with ease. In a matter of seconds, he was on the roof, looking out over the tops of the trees to the land beyond.

Some people were afraid of heights, but Levi had always rather liked being above everyone else for once.

Not for the first time, he marveled at the beauty of the outside world. It was a clear April night, and even though the air carried a slight chill, Levi had his uniform jacket around his shoulders, always sleeping in his clothes.

It was nearly a full moon, and its light illuminated the landscape somewhat eerily. Somewhere out there, Levi knew, thousands of dead soldiers' bodies were rotting away as breakfast for some lucky Titan who stumbled upon them.

He understood then the attraction the Outside world had always had on him. It was that cruel beauty that drew him; horrid and grotesque and forbidden, but still all at once peaceful in its vastness.

So very, very vast the world was. How small a single man was in comparison.

And in this, Levi realized how terrible he truly was. He loved the Outside because his own wrongs, his own awful doings, and all the comrades who had perished because he was not fast enough or strong enough or kind enough to save them, all of it seemed not to matter in the grand scope of things. He hoped that maybe – just maybe, the huge emptiness of the earth in all its cruelty could drown out the conflicted turmoil spewing from one undersized soldier.

Then, he thought, he might could be forgiven.

"You couldn't sleep either?" a soft voice interrupted Levi's brooding, much to his annoyance. When he was lost in deep thoughts he didn't like to be bothered.

"No."

Petra finished clambering onto the roof, also in her uniform. There was still a petrol stain on her pants.

"You really should get a new set of pants." He reminded her, resisting the urge to wrinkle his nose. "Also your hair is messy."

Petra pulled a face. "Can't afford it. They don't pay us little peons much do they? And I just got up, what do you expect? _Your_ hair doesn't seem to be doing so hot either."

Levi didn't answer, preferring to stare up at the stars. He could pick out Ursa Major among them.

"You know what my mom used to say when I was a kid?" Petra sat cross-legged on the roof beside Levi as she followed his line of sight. "She said that stars are the brightest souls of the dead; those who lived for others."

Levi tasted bitterness in his mouth as he balled his fist and dug his nails into his palm. "I guess a lot of them are up there because of me, then."

There was a long silence. Then Petra looked at him, and tipped her head. "You know what your problem is, Levi?"

"I don't need you to tell me my problems." Levi growled, scratching the roof tiles with his bare foot (he'd never been able to sleep in socks).

"You can't forgive yourself." Petra pressed on, ignoring his general hostility.

"The hell is that supposed to mean?" he knew exactly what it meant.

"You have to learn to leave the past in the past." She said, "It's done. You can't undo it. The only thing you can ever change is the future."

A short and cynical laugh escaped Levi. "So I should forget about them then? Boris? Kathleen? The rest?"

"No. Remember them, always. Forgive, Levi, but never forget." Petra turned back to the sky, hugging her knees. She rocked back and forth slowly. "I'm going to be one someday. A star, I mean."

"You want to die a martyr?" Levi asked, barely aware that he had ruined the mood.

"Not really. But I think the only real way to live is to live for others."

Levi should have realized some things right then and there. He should have realized that Petra was one of those dumb idiots who would die for just about anyone. He should have realized that she would eventually end up on that shelf in the back of his mind.

He did not.

He said, "People should only live for themselves. That's how you survive in this world. If everyone worried about themselves there would be a lot less unnecessary death."

"But if everyone lived for themselves," Petra pointed out, "Lots of people who are alive today wouldn't be. Like if you hadn't stopped me after Patrick died . . . I would've been chomped to bits."

And Levi had nothing to say to that.

**enjoy. review. thank you.**

**hope you liked!**

**-oldsoul**


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